I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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