I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
