just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
