trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize