Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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