So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
