the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
where are you?
Hypothermia
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
