Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
