I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
