I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
