please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
