So drunk its hurt
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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