tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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