It's like God shit irony all over that family
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
