i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
