You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
