If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
