She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
