For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We are two peas in an std pod
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
