Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
