The maid of honor just puked.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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