69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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