I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
