i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
