Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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