dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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