I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize