meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this boner is exhausting
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
