I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
