I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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