I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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