You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
