I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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