i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
