I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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