So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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