Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
