Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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