"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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