I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize