How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
