If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
