whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Every concussion has its silver lining
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
