I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
