Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
