I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
