6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
