New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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