please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
