You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
