the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
