the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
