don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
love makes seman taste better
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
