Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
