ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
