Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
