Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize