all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
