btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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