Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
