Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize