Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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