how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
