i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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