I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
