I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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