Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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