I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Apparently you make a good broom.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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