So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
