I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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