also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
