grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
