whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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