Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize