Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
